Monday, November 16, 2009

A soldier has fallen

Yes, I know, this post is late, but who actually gives a rats ass? Speaking of rats, interesting thing happened to me last week, as you may or may not know I have recently become, shall we say, an experimental gardener ( that is to say I plant stuff, close my eyes and hope it grows and brings in some money). I have a small area where I grow my own tomatoes, butternut squash and beans. It was in this small area that I encountered my enemy, a rat. It may only have been 10cm from the tip of its nose to the end of its tail, but hidden in that small frame was a heart of pure evil.

Last week as I was weeding I suddenly noticed this little enemy of mine scouting the front lines of the battlefield, all its senses were hyper alert to any changes in the wind direction, any noise, change in smell, everything was examined as if by a CSI team. He did however fail to notice me. So there I was, in a moral dilemma, should I take out my enemy without giving it a fair chance to fight back? Or should I alert him to my presence and have a fair fight... fair implying that the rat was would have been wearing the same size police boots as me, weigh in at roughly 55kg and have a super sharp mind which could instantly calculate pi to the 115th decimal..... ok, I might be stretching that last bit.....

Needless to say I decided to strike while he was looking the other way (never fight fair, you might just loose). I gave him a swift kick into a brick wall and he fell flat on his back, legs slightly kicking in the air.... it was truly a triumphant sight. So there I was, staring at my fallen enemy, I couldn't help myself, I examined him in great detail while he lay there, when all of a sudden his eyes opened up and he jumped upright! My first thought was that he was either a smart little bugger or that my kick merely stunned him for a while and that he would have one heck of a headache.

Strangest thing was then even after the first kick into the brick wall, he still didn't notice me! My thoughts turned from thinking he was a genius to he was either an idiot or blind. So, sticking to my principals of never fighting fair, I stepped on him and squished his evil rat frame into the soft ground. Now for the second time he lay flat on his back, eyes closed and lightly kicking. The idea that he might be a genius went through my thoughts again, so I decided to make a permanent end to this enemy soldier by sending my heel through his ribs. That was the end of him.

So this is my confession for all to read, I killed a rat. If you decide to judge me, I only have one question for you: what would you have done?

Wednesday, November 4, 2009

Relatively relative

So here I am discussing the theory of relativity with my other personality when all of a sudden a thought crosses my mind and makes a sharp left, what if the theory of relativity isn't relative to me?
How would that change things? Then again, the theory might be more of a suggestion rather than rules, the same way traffic sign are merely a suggestion of what you could do.

Now for something that has been bothering me for the last 5 minutes, am i really happy with the person I am? I mean, let's be honest (for a change), I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer, I'm not even sure if I am a knife!! I'm also as creative as a rock (a rock which was watching Deadliest Catch when creativity was handed out to the other rocks which went on to become the foundation of this universe.)

Now you could say my blog makes for a fun read, but let's be honest, I am no classical writer, the subjects I go on about are totally irrelevant and mostly a total waste of time and effort, however, if you do enjoy reading this crap, feel free to make a donation! Paypal details will be added shortly.

Damn. Another thought, here I am asking for donations via the internet and there's no reference to poor starving children in some or other country somewhere who are in need of petrol money for their BMW's, how careless of me....

Anyway, as usual my blog has a real good tip for anybody reading it and today is no different, so, my tip for today: never eat yellow snow.

And that's all for today, I couldn't think of any more rubbish to add, hopefully next week will have more exciting and motivating thoughts.